16th Trial: Connecting with my generation. I wonder what aspects of it will be displayed, as I feel so separated from it sometimes, mainly in the technology aspect of it. I did mention an iphone in Chapter three though.
Weekly hours spent writing or in the pursuit of plot: 1 Hour. I am getting dangerously close to doing nothing with my life
Weekly Choice of Tea: Pear and Caramel Black tea
Biggest Success: Began Chapter Four
Lately I have found it hard to do not only my writing, but my workouts or my dedicated tea times with books. I did not even post a blog last week! For the first time in my life, I felt the weight of stress and exhaustion of my job, finances, and scheduling. Truth be told, I am very good at balancing my sanity with my interests and my outlets, and with my failure of that these past couple weeks makes me wonder if this is a normal thing people feel. Especially those with greater responsibilities–owning a practice, having children, working 4 jobs. That being said, I needed time to slow down, which entailed laying on my couch and sleeping. So nothing really got done!!!
On a similar note, I am overwhelmed with the stimulation that we go through on a daily basis. I cannot help but compare my situation to that of William Wordsworth’s. There was a man, whose study was outdoors, and had the views, the gentle creatures and insects, and the calm pace of lifestyle that had him write of only the beauty around him. I too can observe and write of the beauty that surrounds me, however how often are my thoughts on just one thing, or one view, or even one thought? I was laying in a park on the outskirts of the city, my feet in the grass and Jamie’s head on my lap. It was peaceful. I had my book beside me, but instead I wanted to channel Wordsworth and just rest my eyes on the moment. To view the trees before me and the dancing squirrels. Jamie was asleep, and Boo Radley (my dog, if you don’t remember) snoring with equal fervor. But the reality soon came upon me that my world is not conducive for peaceful observation, as William’s was. Between two trees I saw the light of an intersection turn from yellow to red. Music drifted over top from a nearby restaurant, along with the smell of food. At intervals I would hear tires screech and car horns scream their impatience. My own bag beeped from a text message that was sent to my phone.
All within seconds of each other, my mind was pulled to the idea of food, to the anxiety of rushing traffic, to the wonder at who was trying to contact me via cell phone. I am aware that I can drive hours away to reach tall mountains and find a remote place that would cut me off from such distractions–but how often am I able to do that? How often is the average person able to do that? I am having trouble with this disconnection we have to nature and self. No wonder the majority of people are on mood control medications. Alone, the struggle I had to write and work out the past two weeks makes me feel a failure in a small sense. Doesn’t the world we live in buttress this easy fall into despair?
Thus, I propose a change for myself and for ALL. Support a balance within. You have incredible potential to connect with yourself at little expense to the world you live in.
something more british 
This is why I wish I had an indoor fountain! I find the sound of running water soothing; it stills my inner-self and therefore improves my focus. When I’m designing I’ll often put the teapot on just to hear the water boiling, because it’s the closest thing I have to running water without letting the tap run. If I have the luxury, I prefer to do major writing and reflecting (reflecting comes first, right?) by outdoor fountains or the sea. I encourage you find the aspect of nature that connects with you the most and try to bring that element into your writing space.
As I read your post it occurred to me that while animals don’t write novels they *do* create their own beauty in the midst of the same environment and life challenges as we do. How will I feed myself or my family? Ugh, I need to replace that dirt/twig/aspect of my home for the hundredth time. Illness, injury, feuds with other creatures. How do I remain safe? The need to rest. The desire to be with others. With far better hearing than humans, they hear so much more and are constantly distracted, even deterred, by their surroundings. They, too, pick apart and choose to ignore or react to the stimuli they receive – weather; predators; communications from other animals, urban noises they have grown accustomed to, like it or not; the urge to play; smells, be they repelling, delicious, or neutral…Do they always make the best decisions? Probably not. Do they succeed amongst the chaos? Absolutely.
We say nature is beautiful. Animals don’t know it’s nature, maybe aren’t even aware it’s beautiful. To them it’s ordinary life. Do birds seek out the tree limb with the best view? Only if by “best” we mean “safest” and not “most scenic.” Do bees marvel at the majesty of fields of wild flowers? Probably not. Do pessimist bees think, “I am *never* going to finish this, and Larry had BETTER DO HIS SHARE”? Or optimist bees: “WOOHOO! Job security!”? Probably not, because they only know the world *they* know. How lucky are we then to be able to choose to see beauty at all?
We think Nature is peaceful; they think Nature is a stressful environment, where life may be bleak and uncertain. For you that moment – that afternoon – was unproductive, unsettling, and chaotic; for Jamie it was restful and probably renewing, a peaceful environment shared with a loved one on a beautiful day. Beauty among your disarray. A moment you created by shaping her reality with your stillness (no one likes wriggling pillows!) and your desire to foster beauty in the world.
Kathy, you may not always be creating content for your novel, but know you *are* always creating beauty for yourself or others simply by participating in the world around you. I hope you find some of this useful and not merely silly ramblings of a crazy lady. At the very least I have forced you to take a break from life to read this! 🙂
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Lisa I find that happiness cannot be found by changing environment, or filling it with more and more substance–Once you are happy with yourself then you can be in any situation and make the best of it. Nothing you said could be considered the silly ramblings of a crazy lady (you were close to being a crazy cat lady), it is such interesting insight. The gorgeous landscape of Wordsworth’s field of daffodils filled him with love, admiration, and peace—while to another world it is predator vs prey. And yet both share the same soil, the same boundaries, and the same beauty. We are lucky. This response of yours is very refreshing–Jamie told me yesterday that my blogs are getting depressing cause I allow the failure of NOT writing overcome the absolute accomplishments of at least writing a line 🙂
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